that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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