Where did you get a picture of my penis
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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