Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please come you make the beer taste better
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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