I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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