her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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