I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
