so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
