So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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