Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
