The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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