dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
