I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
