: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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