i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
