You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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