So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize