You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Come on in and take your pants off
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