Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish you could order shots online.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
