I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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