Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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