WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
