watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
