I bet he comes in French.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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