3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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