Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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