I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
