Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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