then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
