it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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