Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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