Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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