Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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