i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had sex on a roof
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
