He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
