what day is it and did you see me today?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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