And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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