Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
