nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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