your parents love me but you hate me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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