there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
