It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
