She is in my trunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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