We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
