my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
