i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
