Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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