i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
