Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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