holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
