my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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