I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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