I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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