Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
