My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
