god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
