So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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